But first, a story.

I think, or at least I assume, everyone had that dream as a kid that you showed up to school in your underwear. There's no logical reason why you would ever go to a public place in your underoos and your mother most likely would've noticed your lack of apparel and stopped you if you tried, nevertheless the underwear dream was still a scary idea.
I don't really have the fear of going anywhere in my underwear so much anymore, but I do have a lot of other equally irrational fears. I know for a fact, that behind the weird and disturbing face paint of a clown there is a completely normal human being. But that doesn't stop me from believing that every clown is a manic serial killer. I'm a well adjusted adult, obviously.
Perhaps you will recall my last grocery shopping experience. Where I successfully wooed the crap out of a stranger and I'm sure he has been pining after me ever since.  If you forgot, you can read about the embarrassing experience here . To quickly recap, a gentleman with a sweater that was knitted when someone was on acid, hit on me with the pickup like "Haven't we talked before", and instead of behaving like a normal human being I panicked and blurted that I only talk to my cat. There's been the misunderstanding that I meant to say I only talk to my cat as a snarky answer to make him go away. I really wanna pretend like that's true, but just for the sake of honesty, I didn't even know those words were coming out of my mouth until it was too late and he thought I was a crazed cat lady.
Aaannnyway, ever since the harrowing experience I've lived with a slight sense of paranoia that I would run into him again. I mean, after all, Cedar isn't terribly large. You're bound to see people sooner or later.
I just sorta figured I would've moved or like died before that ever happened.

More than that, I had resolved in my mind what I would do if we ever ran into each other again. Ya know, to avoid another verbal vomit situation. I had firmly decided that if I ever ran into him again and he recognized me that either,
A) I would play it cool and laugh like I had totally meant to embarrass myself.
B) Be a stuck up priss and pretend like I didn't know who the heck he was. Which in my defense is kinda true

I just knew, that should the occasion arise, I would take it like a man and face it head on.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha NOPE.

Yet again it was at the grocery store, which really should've been a red flag looking back. Casually perusing the aisles I saw a gentleman, with a striking sweater. I say striking, but what I really mean is ratty. But let's go with striking just for the sake of being polite. Something about him felt so familiar. How did I know this good fellow? It hit me like a ton of bricks when he turned around. Our eyes locked for a moment, and I took a deep breath and did what seemed to be the best option. I casually turned around and walked away. (to be read, speed walked, borderline ran in the opposite direction.) I distinctly heard laughter as I was maturely strolling away (to be read, running like I was in a zombie apocalypse film), but hey that could've been any number of customers....right?

Lemme just say what everyone is thinking: how has no one snatched me up with my smooth smooth ways with men? I dunno, it's really quite a mystery.